Ask Andy
by Lady-of-Nolava
Summary: Jerry Grey is Ask Andy, an advice columnist in a boys high school. when a female teen celebrity goes to their school for familiarity, he has to keep her identity a secret, and the girl disguises as a boy. but how to keep that a secret?
1. Chapter 1

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High Schol's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**As you know, our school only accepts girls in K1-8. From Grade 9 onwards, it's all boys. Which accounts for why not a lot of people in our school have a girlfriend. I am a senior, and I only recently said goodbye to my girlfriend, who went to another school. Now I have my eyes set on a girl in Grade 7. My buddy told me that I'll go to hell if I don't stop. Is it acceptable or what?**

**Please reply ASAP.**

**From,**

**Lovestruck**

**Dear lovestruck,**

**It only means one thing. You're a sick pervert, and a paedophilic. I would advice you to see the school counsellor. By the way, you aren't going to hell. You're already in it. It's called Layton High School for Boys.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Author's Notes: how is it? I got Layton from Clayton. Thought about Claypot and Claypole, but decide Layton sounds more authentic. **


	2. Chapter 2

**One**

"Knock, knock," a voice came from my door, interrupting me in the midst of printing out my reply.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Mr. Eding."

"Eding who?" I asked.

"Eding your name to the detention list." Mr. Eding, a thirty-year-old guy with a lopsided grin and bald head, stepped in. "My goodness, Jer, what've you done?"

"Huh?" I looked over to what he was looking at. "Just my reply to a pervert."

"Jerry, do you know who wrote this? This is serious. We should report it to the headmaster."

Sometimes I know who writes me letters. Some people are _so_ obvious. Like this one, for instance:

**Dear Andy,**

**Please help me! I just can't take my mind off this girl. She's the most beautiful girl in the world. Blonde locks…turquoise eyes… Oh, my heart bleeds for her! But she's faraway on the other side of the country, in New York. In facts, she's a celebrity. Should I go there after New York and grab her attention?**

**From,**

**Starry-eyed.**

This letter is obviously written by my best friend, Tony. Actually, Tony's real name is Anthony, but he hates that name. Everybody knows that he's star struck for a teen actress. She looked a bit like Keira Knightly.

And then I would reply back:

**Dear Starry-eyed,**

**There's something known as a 'daydream'. It's OK to have **

**a few fantasies in your not so dry dreams, but do know that you're crossing the line between reality and fantasy. If you go to New York to hunt her down, she can sue you for being like a stalker. By the way, you're obviously talking about Cleopatrix Laville. Get over it. She's still heartbroken when she found out her boyfriend, co-star in **Elaine and Lancelot**, betrayed her by kissing Lindsay Lohan.**

**From, **

**Andy**

Besides, who am I do stop people doing what they do? Like Bradley Peter, for example. Valedictorian, captain of the football team. It's that reason that the girls in Grade 8 in this school are getting _way_ too mature for their age…

Or Tutt Neke. He's such a nerd with a long neck, people can't stop calling her 'Turtle Neck'. Well, he wears them too, so you can't blame everyone.

"No, I don't know who wrote this letter. I'm only a Sophomore, remember? What do I know about Seniors? You teach the Seniors," I replied.

Mr. Eding stroked his beard, which is thick and black. I don't have hairs yet. And I like being hairless. I hate shaving. Waste of time.

"Hm. Never mind then. Run along, Jer. I'll give you a pass." Mr. Eding whipped out a pen and gave me a note. And then I 'ran along' to the cafeteria.

I walked out of the computer lab and into Summer Scotts. I looked down and was instantly drowning in those warm hazel eyes. Summer was as pretty as Kirsten Dunst. I sometimes fantasize that I'm Peter Parker, and can shoot webs out of my wrist. Alas, that's not the case. In fact, I'm utterly terrified of arachnids.

"Hi, Summer," I said, trying to sound cool. Even though Summer's only thirteen, she's still pretty mature for her age. Alas, she's got a boyfriend. Glen the Prefect. Who's extra-curricular is the school paper group. And Summer happens to be the female executive/editor.

"Hi Jerry. How's the article going?" Summer asked. My 'article' was supposed to be on the cafeteria menu, but only the two of us know that I'm 'Ask Andy'.

"Well, both are fine," I said. I suddenly master up my courage

and asked, "Summer, are you—"

Free next week? Maybe we can go out sometimes. But at that moment, the secretary walked by and said, "Jerry, you're wanted in the principal's office.

Me? The principal's office? The one who's rumoured to cane boys on their butt if they did wrong? What did I do? I'm innocent!

"Why?" I asked.

"How would I know?" the guy replied. "Just go."

"Good luck!" Summer smiled as I walked away.

I knocked quietly at the door. "Enter," Mr. Eding said cheerfully. I walked inside and closed the door. Mr. Hedmast was sitting in his swivelling computer chair. On two hard leather armchairs facing the desk sat Dr. Lucretia. We used to joke that the 'Dr.' stands for 'Dry', 'cause Dr. Lucretia was so disapproving of everything.

A skinny guy in a business suit was staring geekily around. He looked like one of those manager types.

"Ah, Jamie, there you are," Mr. Hedmast boomed. "Come, sit down." He patted to a hard wooden chair next to his chair. I gulped.

"Yes, Greyley. You'd better sit down. This is going to be a shock. For all of us," Dr. Lucretia said.

I sat down hard, and said, "Please, Mr. Hedmast, if it's about my letter that Layton High School is Hell, I'm so sorry. It's just a joke for the paedophilic…" I trailed off as Dr. Lucretia frowned.

"Jerry, it's not about the letter," Mr. Eding said quickly.

"No?" I asked.

"A teen actress from Hollywood is coming to our school. She is doing research as she's never been to this part of America before. You will be asked to show her around," Dr. Lucretia said.

"Yes. I hope you agree to showing Ms. Laville around this High School," the nerdy guy said. "I'm her manager."

Wait. Did he say 'Laville'? "As in, _Cleopatrix _Laville?" I asked.

"Yes. Cleopatrix from _Elaine and Lancelot_. The pretty blonde one," Mr. Eding smiled encouragingly.

I felt faint. Oh, wow. I bet Tony would _really _love this. A girl coming to our school!

Then I remembered. "But, sir, this is a boy's school. What role is she doing?"

"Ah," the manager smiled. "She will be playing a girl disguised as a boy who took her twin brother's place in a boy's school, because she wants to be on the basketball team, and there isn't one in her posh girl's school."

"And the brother?" I asked.

"The brother is sneaking out to play with his band for some gigs across the country. Their parents didn't know as they're overseas. But

please don't tell anyone about this plot. It's still in it's pre-production stage."

"Of course I won't." The story-line is sooo similar to _She's The Man_. "What's it called?

"_She's the Guy,_" the manager smiled happily.

"You may go now, Jamie. Lunch's almost over," Mr. Hedmast waved me away.

I wanted to correct him "It's Jerry, sir,", but the feeling of freedom was so great I ran out of the office quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High School's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**As you know, our school is a boys school. Which means that we always bathe together after PE. I am a freshman, and a very undeveloped one at that. All the other boys always tease me about my wizened little gherkin and showing off their big cucumbers. What's wrong with me? Am I abnormal? Is it because I always play computer games? My buddy tells me to 'stop stressing and get a life. It's nothing unusual'. But what if I have a damaged reproductive system? **

**Please reply ASAP.**

**From,**

**Don't call me Gherkin!**

**Dear DCMG,**

**It is perfectly natural for boys to undergo stages when their body parts are inferior to other boys. It's all due to our hormones. Don't worry about it. You will grow when you get older. It's just a matter of time. For now, ignore those boys. I'm sure you'll feel better.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Two**

Today before school I had orchestra practice. I love playing oriental instruments. It sounds much nicer then band, which is silly trumpet and marching. I plays the piano, or keyboards. I formed a band with my mates Tony, Zach, Hugh, and York. I was being the keyboardist, York was the lyricist, Zach the singer and Tony playing the guitar with Hugh playing electric drums. I personally think we rock.

Zach's high tenor, while I'm bass. Anyway, we were in the middle of practicing for a gig at the end of year Winter Prom (it's a dance for juniors, freshmen, and sophomores after the Senior Prom. We're allowed to ask girls from a nearby girl's school) when Mr. Eding asked to see me.

"Jer, I have to ask you something. Ms. Laville came earlier today. Do you mind if she joined you in your practise?" he asked.

"Er, Mr. Eding, can I ask you something? Will she really look like a boy? Because us guys in Layton High are desperate, and will take any girl, and you bet they can sniff her out in no time," I asked.

"Don't worry, Jerry. She's a fab actress. Could totally carry out the busboy look. She's quite handsome, may I think so. In fact, you can check her, er, _him_ out yourself."

I turned around and saw a blonde 'guy' striding toward me. The hair was slightly longish, and there was a muscular tilt to her shoulders and chins. The body is toned too, and the eyes were gorgeous. "Hey, I'm Cole Laven. Nice to meet you."

Cleopatrix's voice was low. And husky. Oh no. What if some of the Goths notice her? They're gay and smoked fags. They're bound to fall if they suddenly saw a handsome guy walking towards them. Cleopatrix'll freak out if I told her about Layton's history of scandals going on behind Layton's walls.

"Um, hey. I'm Jerry. I'm in band practice right now. You can see my mates inside. They're practicing for a solo." I led her right in. The moment she walked in, I could feel the tension starting. Every male eye was on the gorgissimo guy walking in behind me.

"Hey, Jerry, wanna introduce your new friend?" the resident Goth, Gary Swagger, asked.

"Um…" I said.

"Hi, I'm Cole Laven. I'm from LA. I love pop music," Cleopatrix said. Duh, she's a pop singer.

Gary eyed Cleopatrix up and down, and back at her mouth, and

grinned slowly. "Nice ta meet you, dude."

Cleopatrix just smiled and moved on to my band. "So, will you guys perform a few songs?" she asked.

"Um…" Was she crazy? Perform in front of the most popular pop artiste? Who's got a decade of contracts since thirteen? No way. My band will seem seriously inadequate. We're called JHYZT, from all our initials.

"OK, lad. JHYZT will perform our best for ya!" Hugh, a huge teddy-bear kind of guy, roared and banged on the drums with gusto. Everyone stopped playing and listened to us. I had to say, we're not bad.

Zach's voice was pure, mine was electric; York's lyrics were deep; Hugh never missed a beat; mine fingers flowed across the keyboard; Tony's strumming was poignant. When we finished our great performance, everyone whistled and some even shouted for encores.

"Boys, am I ever impressed. I'm also interested in singing, and Mr. Eding told me that you guys rock," Cleopatrix smiled. She pulled me aside, "And I might let you have a song or two on my new album's soundtrack."

My mind was whirling. Cleopatrix Laville just as well told me that she liked our music! We'll make it big someday! "Thanks," I managed to say.

And so Cleopatrix followed me everywhere for the day. Soon year eights were all whispering behind her, and daydreaming about going out with her. I hope not, as she's a girl! Even though she'll be staying for the Winter Prom.

Trouble came when we were supposed to go to PE. Our coach always despaired of me: I hate football, rugby, tennis, and basketball. I only liked badminton and netball. And so everyone called me a sissie. Cleopatrix's not too great in PE too. She handed the Coach a note and he let her off.

Then came the dreaded part. Showers. We guys always shower together with no curtains in between. Not that we wanted, but merely because the headmaster couldn't see reason to install curtains as we're all boys. Which is why people get called 'Gherkin' or got groped at.

"What? No way!" Cleopatrix hissed as I told her about showers.

"Yes way. If you back out, they'll think something weird is going on. This guys are not stupid. They're already suspicious about you. I mean, most guys like basketball. So why're you not playing today? I mean, you're going to have to play that during filming," I said.

Cleopatrix ignored me. "But I can't take a shower with them! Oh, I get it. Will you stand in front of me? I mean, you can hide my body from them. Just stand outside pretending to dry yourself. I'll bathe

then. Or don't at all."

"Or you can do a 'Mulan' and jump into a pond," I joked.

"Is it a dare?" Cleopatrix asked.

She jumped into our eco pond. "Eew, rotten plants," she complained. Her shirt was soaked true.

"Hey, Cole, what big chest you have." Someone said.


	4. Chapter 4

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High School's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**I suspect that I'm not normal. Whenever I am in the showers with other guys after PE, I always has an urge to peek at them and see their…body parts. I don't know why. I don't want to be gay. I just want to be normal. One guy threatened to beat me up if he caught me looking at him 'like that' one more time! What can I do?**

**From,**

**Gay (Happy)**

**Dear Gay Happy,**

**You are either a gay or just plain curious, wanting to see how big others are compared to you. If it is the latter, just stop looking and think that you're the best. If it's the earlier…well, maybe you should see our school counsellor.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Three**

Cleopatrix jumped up guiltily and promptly dashed behind a lily pad. "It's just the water under my shirt," she said. "Um, can you get me a dry one?"

"A dry one?" Gary laughed. "But you're a guy. Just take off that shirt for it to dry, and walk around naked."

Cleopatrix looked at me pleadingly. "Uh, Cole's very shy. He doesn't usually takes off his shirt at school, and there are young girls here, Gary," I said.

Gary glared at me. He must be disappointed that he couldn't catch a glimpse of 'Cole's' chest, if she's a boy. But he dare not hit me or anything, as I'm teacher's pet, and everybody like me.

"Whatever. Hey, after your shirt is dry, maybe you could come over to our corner. It's on the alley behind the school." With that, Gary sauntered off, smoking a fag.

"Phew," Cleopatrix breathed. "Thanks. I thought he could see my sports bra."

I blushed. I was not used to hearing 'bra' spoken in a boys' school. "Well, let's go back and get you a clean shirt. You can have one of mine. Don't worry, it's clean, ironed, and pressed."

We chatted all the rest of the day. I found that Cleopatrix was really quite nice, when she's not followed by the paparazzi.

"Finally, lunch!" Cleopatrix yawned as we headed out of the classroom. "Lessons are boring. Especially when you have Maths, Geography, Chemistry, Biology, and History all in one day. 6 hours of school! At my school I only learn all the fun subjects. Such as Chinese, IT, English, PE, Music, Literature, Art, and Japanese."

Wow, that is fun. Most of my lessons are boring. Only Chemistry and Biology are interesting. Last year, Chemistry used to be boring. And my teachers used to be nice.

Ms. Chem loves to shout. Ms. Bio must be entering menopause or something, because she turned from nice to narky and gets irritated easily. Mdm Geo talks crap. It easier to memorise your textbook then to listen to her stories. Mr. Chinese spends one month teaching three chapters. Mr. PE is sadistic and likes to see us run for half-an-hour every lesson. Ms. Music is as unreasonable as ever. Mdm Lit is sarcastic and inflicts people with corporal punishment and verbal abuse. Ms. Japanese must hate me or something, the way she kept on

picking on me during lesons.

Last year, Mr. Chem is fun, Ms. Bio is nice, Ms. Geo is strict but can teach, Mrs. Chinese is boring but can teach, Ms. Lit is nice and gives us sweets, and I'm Ms. Japanese's favourite. The other teachers are the same, some bad and some good.

I mean, sophomore year can't get any worse, can it? Besides sucky teachers that ensures a guaranteed failure for streaming, and now the disguise of modern day's _Hua Mulan_, I'll be glad to survive next month at all. And it's just February.

Anyway, Cleopatrix and I got to the cafeteria. I took some Hawaiian pizza with fish fingers. She looked dazedly around, not sure what to choose, and finally someone pushed her a plate, and she stumbled after me to my usual table with my mates.

"What's these?" she asked, picking out some black rubbery thingy.

"Anchovies, green pepper, and olives," Zach said. "You got pepperoni.

"Drat. I hate seafood and veggie," Cleopatrix grumbled.

Zach, York, Hugh, and Tony shrugged, as though saying, What's the big deal?

I didn't. Because I know that celebrities are particular about food. Cleopatrix only takes the Atkins Diet, too.

"Here," I gave her my pizza, even though I hate pepperoni too. "Take mine." She smiled thanks and took mine.

"Got a crush on Cleopatrix Laville, huh, Cole? I see you have the Atkins Diet down to pat," Gary said,

Cleopatrix stiffened beside me. Hugh gasped. I knew what Gary meant. He meant that Cleopatrix is a gay. Because she obviously acts like herself!

Before she could defend herself, I burst in, "Don't you have somewhere to be?" I asked. "You know, at the corner at the back of our school smoking pot and getting high."

Gary stiffened and his nostrils quivered. Uh-oh. Gary has a highly volatile temper, like hydrogen. He might chuck a knife at me or something. He took my pepperoni pizza and smashed it to my face. I think my glasses broke.

Next thing I know, York and Tony were beating Gary to a pulp, Zach screaming for the teachers and shouting at them, and Hugh running away. He's too well-mannered to participate in fights.

Our principal didn't come. He knew us boys long enough to know the havoc we can get up with. The young girls all screamed and threw food at us.

A custard pie hit Cleopatrix on the shoulder. "Yikes! Who the heck threw this?" she demanded as she rolled up her sleeves and

glared around. Then a hush fell as she stood up the table, glaring. Then suddenly everyone pushed to get at her.


	5. Chapter 5

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High School's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**I am thinking of getting a tattoo. You know, on my fabulously muscled biceps. A tattoo of the name 'Cleopatra & Anthony that Cleopatrix has when she liked that book. It's really unique. Maybe if I have it Cleopatrix will like me too? But my mom don't want me to get a tattoo. She says she'll kill me if she finds out from my brother, who showers in the same stall with me. What should I do?**

**From,**

**Anthony (and Cleopatra)**

**Dear Anthony,**

**Don't get a tattoo. Maybe when you grow older, you will not like Cleopatrix so much. I mean, she might get married and not act anymore. And then you're left with a laser bill. Besides, the word "Cleopatra and Anthony" iks kind of cheesy. Unless your name is really Anthony. In that case, you should wait until your girlfriend's name is Cleopatra before getting the tattoo.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Four**

"Oh my gosh! It's Cleopatrix Laville!" someone screamed. Tony, I presume. They must have seen the tattoo! Jerry Grey, what have you got yourself into? Besides giving your mates detention, losing the newspaper job, and possibly be the reason of Cleopatrix's demise from overcrowding?

But here I was, at the sinks, trying to wipe blood away from my nose. The glass from my specs had cut my nose. I tiptoed to look over the heads of tall seniors who are struggling to reach Cleopatrix, clutching at bits of her clothes, threatening to rip her pants off.

Call 999! I reached into my pocket and dialled. In panicking breaths I recounted my situation. The police nodded grimly and despatched someone over.

As I hung up the phone, I saw a plainclothes police driving a limousine pull over, took out a gun, and yelled, "Freeze!" Everyone froze and the guy strode over to where Cleopatrix is, shirt torn in places.

"Here," Tony chivalrously gave her his jacket. "Sorry about your shirt and your stay here." Cleopatrix just took it and strode away. She was escorted to her limo.

"Oh, my god. You _knew _Cole's in fact Cleopatrix Laville! Why didn't you tell us? You know she's like, the hottest teen star!" York fumed.

"Really, guys, she's supposed to be undercover in the research of a role, and I'm supposed to keep that fact a secret. Besides, I knew what would happen if you knew about Celopatrix: total chaos," I said. In this catastrophe, only Hugh and I were calm.

It was at that moment that the roof of the limo opened, and Cleopatrix head and shoulders popped out from it. The guys around the limo yelled and leaped for her, as if they wanted to pull out fistfuls of her long hair, which had tumbled down from her wig. Which, you know, is always a good way to ingratiate yourself to a girl. Not.

I thought Cleopatrix was going to throw out a few _words _to the hormonal imbalanced males of Layton High. Maybe yell, "So long, suckers!" or "Pathetic gherkins!"

But that's not what she said. Instead, she looked all around the canteen, like she'd forgotten something. Then she saw me, and yelled, "Jerry!"

All heads turned in my direction. "Jerry!" Cleopatrix yelled again.

And this time she accompanied the shout with an arm gesture. "COME ON!"

I felt myself turn red. Cleopatrix wanted me to get into the limo with her. Cleopatrix Laville wanted me to ride off into the sunset—well, not quite, since it was only like twelve thirty in the afternoon—with her. In her limo.

"Oh my God," I heard Tony breathe beside me. "Right. That's why she's screaming your name. You, Jerry. She wants _you_."

I shook my head. "No," I said. "No, it's not like that—"

Because it wasn't. Cleopatrix Laville _can't _like a nerd like me. A boy-next-door.

"Jerry!" Cleopatrix was starting to sound frantic now.

"She wants you," Tony said, again. "Why don't you go? For God's sake, GO! Oh, and give her this. It's got my number." He slipped a piece of paper into my pocket. "Go!" Then he shoved me, hard, in the back, and I fell headlong down the stairs from the canteen to the parking lot and _right into the limo roof and onto Cleopatrix_. Really. Like I was a basketball or something. I told you Tony had aim.

I scrambled off Cleopatrix and she closed the roof. "Go," she said to the police. "Go, go, go!"

And off we went.

At first I was silent. I couldn't comprehend what was going on. I knew Tony would try to talk to her. So I did. "I am so, so sorry about your nightmare experience in Layton High. The guys are usually not that crazy. I don't know what came over them. And you probably shouldn't have fold up your sleeves."

"Right. I'm gonna get rid of them some day. Lame, isn't it? When I was filming _Elaine and Lancelot_ I had a crush on Anthony Caesar, my co-star on Elaine and Lancelot. I thought he's The One. Then he had to go and flirt with Lindsay Lohan. I mean, so what if she's cast as Susannah Simon in _The Mediator_, and he's Jesse? Does that mean he flirts with every female co-star?" Cleopatrix burst out.

I felt so sorry for her. It must be so hard to be a celebrity, to have the magazine report every relationship and heartbreak you ever had. "I'm sorry." I couldn't think of what to say. "Are you still going to film in Layton High?"

"Yeah. Though I don't think I like it there. The atmosphere. The vibes from the teachers and students. The only good vibes are from Mr. Eding and your band music. I really liked it, and I'm serious about the album offer. Hey, you know what? You can go on to make the school a better place, like in _High School Musical_, instead of like, _Prison Break_.

Layton High's not like a prison. I mean, it doesn't have any bars, or small windows. It's got big ones. And so what f it's not utopia? It's not dystopia, either. It's quite OK. Some teachers beside Mr. Eding are

quite nice too. And, yeah, there's the bullies and jocks: Alan, Gary, James, Nicholas… But which school doesn't? And yeah, even though we (not popular ones) had no say in the election of student government, they're not exactly bad.

WHO AM I KIDDING??? I know exactly how bad the situation is. Leonard the treasurer: yeah, money collector maybe. Always spending our fund on useless things like pizza for our birthdays, and in the end us (the not popular ones) have no chance as funds are dried up. Alan, chairman: irresponsible and abuse his authority.

Even though ther's some OK people: Ben the prefect who's a good guy; Jake who's not a bad vice-chairman… There's too few of us and too much of them. It's like, class monarchy. By the jocks and bullies.

"But what can I do? Besides sitting it out and praying for graduation while getting As?" I asked. "It's not like I'm so influential. I'm not popular!" I said.

"That's where you're wrong. You, Jerry, are the lodestone of this school. It's you that keeps the balance. Can you imagine what would happen if you're not there to stop Gary and his obnoxious gang? Fights. But even though Gary thinks you're annoying, he couldn't hurt you. Because every one likes you, and he'd have to pay for hurting you. Like just now. One pie hits you and Tony and York are struggling to kill him. So are the other guys," Cleopatrix said.

I don not like what she's getting at. For one whole year I had tried to think the best of everyone, like everyone, be nice to everyone, making things easy…An Agony Uncle. Then now Cleopatrix came along for one and a half days, and asked me to give up one whole year of hard work, and be assertive?

"You don't have to make everything easy, Jerry. You have to make things right. You're a born diplomat. I'm sure if you tried you could have make your school a better place. If not, the world," Cleopatrix smiled her most heart melting smile with puppy dog eyes. I think she's having a go at me conscience. "Pretty please?"

"Fine. I'll do what I can," I promised.

"Thanks."

At that moment we arrived at a grand mansion. "My temporary housing," Cleopatrix said. We got out and lounged by the pool. And we spent the next two hours chatting non-stop.

At six, I had to go home. "Bye." I got up to leave. I had left my can of beer by the chair, as I don't like the taste of it. Cleopatrix was having champagne.

"Oh dear. I invited you home just to talk! That's not so nice. How about I go to the Winter Prom with you as a token of appreciation?" Cleopatrix offered.

I stared at her in amazement. "You're still willing to go to the Winter Prom, after all that happened?"

"Well, to hear your band play is enough. It's this weekend, isn't it? Tell you what: you come to my place at seven. I'll be waiting."

I remembered Tony's paper. "Oh, well, Tony said that if you want a listening ear, call him," I said.

Cleopatrix smiled. "Bye."


	6. Chapter 6

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High School's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**Please reply or I'll kill myself! It's about the Winter Prom. I can't seem to get a date as all the girls hate me, and they can me Paul the Pug. I mean, my mom said I'm muscular and manly. Why do girls go for athletes like Alan then? I tell them repeatedly that my name is Paul Punson, but they insist on Pug. What can I do? I am depressed and hurt, and am thinking of dieing.**

**From,**

**Manly Paul **

**Dear Paul,**

**I had to reply, as I don't want to be the death of anyone. The Winter Prom is not such a big deal. And there's plenty of girls available, like Cara Carlson. The pretty girls all only care about hunks anyway, so don't pay any attention to them. Plenty of fish in the sea.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Dear Andy,**

**I don't care about Cara Cow! I want girls like Summer Scotts!**

**From,**

**Pissed Paul**

**Five**

I was dropped off by Cleopatrix's cab. Immediately I was swarmed by hidden reporters everyone. Tony came to my rescue, and we went to his house, next to mine.

"So, what happened at Cleo's palace? Any action?" Tony smirked.

"Well, if you count being asked out to the Winter Prom as action, then yes," I said.

Tony's eyes bulged like tennis balls. "Cleopatrx Laville asked you out for a small town school's Winter Prom? Gosh, she must be smitten by you a lot. Hey, did you gave her my number? And didn't you know that I adored her? So why did you agree to take her out?" Tony was angry.

"Hey, we're only going as friends! Besides, you've already got a girlfriend. Sierra," I defended.

"Hey, I'm only saying. Don't need to get all stressed up. Besides, I've got my eyes on another girl now, Jerry," Tony smirked.

I hate his attitude when it comes to boys. Truth is, Tony thinks he's God's gift to girls, and girls are attracted to him like moths to a light. But he's such a flirt, one girl a week. Can't stand that. "Whatever. I just don't think you should treat Sierra like that. She's got feelings too, you know."

"Sierra's got feelings? Come on, she's just an airhead blonde bimbo. I only stick around for the money. I think I'm gonna get rid of her once we finish our date tonight. She offered to treat me to the new James Bond movie," Tony said.

I can't take it anymore. "Tony, either you tell her you're having a clean break, or I will. You can't keep on using her as a movie coupon, you know. It's not fair."

"It's not fair." Tony mimicked my voice. "What's gone into you recently, Jerry? Mr. Feminist?"

"Bug off, Mr. Chauvinist. I'm sick of your attitude," I yelled.

"Well, whatever! I don't want to be friends with such a sucker. Get off of my backyard!" Tony shouted back.

"Fine!" I stormed off into my house. My mom look up, concerned.

"Are you alright, Jerry? I heard shouting," she looked up from the Discovery Channel.

"Fantastic," I mumbled.

"Oh, by the way, someone's waiting in your room to see you," she called after me as I stormed up the stairs. To see me? Who? Summer?

I entered my room and got a heart attack. It's Glen. And he looks ready to cry.

"Glen! Mate, you alright?" I rushed to his side.

"Jerry, mate, she's left me. Summer dumped me. Said she's got a crush on a guy who's about to become a celebrity," Glen looked up mournfully.

"Oh." I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Summer was finally single! Maybe she meant me. I mean, after this weekend, I'll be a sort of celebrity. Because I'm going to the Winter Prom with Cleopatrix Laville. "I'm sorry."

"Anyway, Jerry, what do you think I should do? You know, you being Ask Andy and all. To get my mind off Summer," Glen asked. Glen is one of the few people who knows I'm Ask Andy.

"Interview me and ask me questions about Cleopatrix Laville, dude. People are sure to read that," I suggested.

"Great idea!" And then Glen rattled off ten inspiring questions. Not. _Do you like Cleopatrix? What do you think of her? Who is your type? What're you wearing for the Winter Prom?_

Finally, after an hour, he left. Then the phone rang, so I picked it up.

"You creep!" Tony's voice yelled at me, blasting my eardrums. Ouch!

"What did I do?" I asked.

"You told Sierra! About me using her to see movies!" Tony yelled.

"No I didn't! What happened?"

"Well, I was waiting outside her doorway, and she refused to come up, so I texted her. Then she opened her window and shouted all sorts of abuses at me. Then I was chased away by her dad's rottweilers. She said about my lack of commitment, and how she's sick of me," Tony said.

Cool. So Sierra must finally realised that he was just using her.

"Worst of all was, Glen came right along after watching me running for my life and then falling on my butt. So he laughed and chatted with Sierra about my 'demise on a banana skin'. So now I think they're a couple. So Glen must have broke up with Summer. So that's my chance!" Tony exclaimed.

"What do you mean, your chance? I like Summer too!" I shouted.

"Well, sorry, dude, but you never told me," Tony said. Well, true. I daren't tell anyone about my pathetic crush on Summer. But Tony's supposed to be my best friend! How could he do this to me, however subconsciously? Besides, I can't watch him playing tongue-wrestling with each other.

"But it's going to be fair, isn't it?" I asked. "Like, fair competition?" I pleaded.

"Well, I'm fair, but you know what girls are like. Even Ask Andy wrote that pretty girls only care about guys like Alan. Which means Glen, as Glen is smart _and_ good-looking. That's why Summer broke up with him, as he's starting college in the Fall, and she wants to try new fish as she's going to another school," Tony said.

I feel my heart being wrenched. It's not like my happy ending at all! In my version, I'll end up with Summer, and Tony would be with Cleopatrix. No competition. Worst of all was, my own words were thrown back to me. Well, even though Tony didn't know I'm Ask Andy.

"So good luck, mate. And bye." The phone clicked. And then rang again.

"Hi, Jerry! Cleo here. Saw the pict of your friend Tony and chatted with him online. He sounds dead charming, your mate! So what do you think? You think we can wrap up our date at the Winter Prom earlier, so that I can go out with him?" Cleopatrix gushed.

I felt like, why is everything going wrongly? First I found out that Summer didn't care one bit about me, and why do girls always think Tony is cute? Does only cuteness matter? Even though he's a jerk?

"I'm sorry, Cleo, but I can't. I mean, please don't I don't want to see you get hurt. You see, Tony's a two-timer. He doesn't care about you, not now that he got a girlfriend, a Lindsay Lohan lookalike. I—" I said.

"If all you have to say about my crush is that he's a two-timer, then shut up! I thought you were different! Apparently I was wrong, seeing as how your'e slandering your mate just because he happens to like your crush!" Cleopatrix screamed. How could she mention Summer?

Now I was angry beyond words. Today sucked! Wasn't she grateful that I saved her, and am now trying to make Layton High a better place, just like she asked me to? And now she's angry at me for telling the truth! "You know what, Cleopatrix? Go sht off!' And I slammed down the phone.

"Jerry!" my mom came rushing up. "What's going on—"

Oh no. Not her too. I rushed inside my room and slammed the door. The first time in my life where I really truly lost my cool. And then I settle down on my bed for a good yell.


	7. Chapter 7

Ask Andy

**Come on, go ahead! We dare you to confide your personal troubles to Andy, Layton High School's very own columnist! Replies will be featured in the weekly newsletter.**

**Dear Andy,**

**I am thinking of getting a tattoo. You know, on my fabulously muscled biceps. A tattoo of the name 'Cleopatra & Anthony that Cleopatrix has when she liked that book. It's really unique. Maybe if I have it Cleopatrix will like me too? But my mom don't want me to get a tattoo. She says she'll kill me if she finds out from my brother, who showers in the same stall with me. What should I do?**

**From,**

**Anthony (and Cleopatra)**

**Dear Anthony,**

**Don't get a tattoo. Maybe when you grow older, you will not like Cleopatrix so much. I mean, she might get married and not act anymore. And then you're left with a laser bill. Besides, the word "Cleopatra and Anthony" iks kind of cheesy. Unless your name is really Anthony. In that case, you should wait until your girlfriend's name is Cleopatra before getting the tattoo.**

**From,**

**Andy**

**Six**

I spent the whole Saturday sulking in my room. I don't ever want to go out. Certainly not with girls! The whole experience with looks-oriented Summer or Emo-Cleopatrix. Just then, my mom called up. "Jerry! Tony is here! And you'd better hurry up and change if you're going to take Cleopatrix out to dinner.

"How many times must I say that no way I'm going to take Cleopatrix out? She can go out with Tony for all I care. All she's going to get is another broken heart. And I'm bring down my uneaten lunch." I stomped down the stairs.

Tony was dressed smartly in a tuxedo. He looked startled when he saw me in this. "Hey, mate, why're you not in your tux?"

"Not going." I pushed past him to get to the kitchen.

"But, Jerry, you must. You'd be dubbed 'Scoundrel of the Free Land if you stood her up. And you've created the perfect kind image for so long, just to get it wasted on a stupid dance?" Tony persuaded.

"It's not my fault. She wants to go with you. I try to warn her that you like Summer, who's a mixture of Lindsay Lohan, you type; and Kirsten Dunst, my type. But she doesn't believe me. Shouted at me in fact. I'm not getting another shouting. And I'm sick of being diplomatic," I said.

"Jerry, you're going. You have to at least play with the band!" Tony pleaded.

"Doesn't matter. Zach can sing. You all can manage fine without my boring Haydn classics and awful bass. I'm an extra, and I know it. Cleopatrix'll probably mate up with another guy, York or Hugh, and you, Glen, Summer, and Sierra will have the time of your life. I'm sticking to a Spider-Man Movie Marathon tonight," I decided.

"Ok," Tony breathed. "Time for back-up!"

Suddenly, York, Zach, and Hugh burst out from nowhere, wrested me upstairs, and each began their torture: Tony forcing me to wear a penguin suit (more commonly known as a tuxedo); York shaving me and splashing cologne and applying gel everywhere. "Let me go!" I yelled.

"Man, you gotta have some fun," Zach said as he tousled me hair fondly. "Done!"

A car honked from below. Tony pushed me downstairs. I could see Cleopatrix getting out of the limo. She was wearing a black slip dress and looked dead sexy. Tony whistled. "So, any chance you might

fall for her?" I asked hopefully.

Tony shook his head. "Not my type. I knew I used to be crazy about her, but that was when Summer was still with Glen. Glen was rich and smart, and as handsome as me. But then they broke up, so I think I stand a chance. Sorry, mate."

I shrugged. "Summer was my first crush, and she always will be. I thought we had something special, the way she looked at me. I thought she liked me too, but didn't know about Glen."

"Dude, Summer looked at _every guy _like that!" Zach said, joining us. "I knew, because she flirted with me last time."

"So, Tonyy, are you ready?" Summer had arrived and were now picking her way carefully around me bedraggled room in her long Chanel number. At least, I think it's Chanel.

"Er, yes. Good luck, Jer," Tony said.

Summer glanced at us quizzically. "Yes, what a nice outfit," she said.

They went down the stairs, her arm under his crook, walked down the stairs and straight into Cleopatrix, who had on a shimmering golden gown. "Nice Marchesa gown," Cleopatrix nodded. "It's cutesy, and brings out the red hair."

"Hey, nice dress yourself. Is it a Dior number?" Summer asked, tossing her mane proudly.

"No, Dior's dresses are more metallic and shiny, while my Armani Prive gown is more shimmery and gold," Cleopatrix said. I couldn't understand a single word. Marchesa? Dior? Armani Prive? Not Chanel?

"Hey, Cleo. I'm such of fan of your movies. I like _Elaine and Lancelot_," Tony said.

"Yeah, Tony's bringing me to watch it after the dance," Summer giggled.

I peeked behind my palms to see Cleopatrix's reaction. I mean, actresses like Cleopatrix are temperament. Especially if they had PMS.

But amazingly, Cleopatrix looked as serene as ever, as though resigned to the fact that Things Were Just Not Meant To Be. "Yeah, see you later. Jerry, are you done eavesdropping?"

I stepped out, red-faced. Tony and Summer slipped away. I followed Cleopatrix to her limo and went in. "So, why did you still want to go to the Winter Prom with me? I mean, I thought, what with what I said yesterday about Tony, I—"

"It's impossible to be angry with you for long, Jerry Grey. Everybody likes you. Especially me." And then Cleopatrix suddenly pulled my head to hers, and KISSED ME! OMG! My first kiss, and it's with a teenage celebrity! We totally had it going for at least a minute. I didn't know I could hold my breath that long, or actually had a bit of

an idea how to kiss.

"So," I said, when we came up for air, "why did you do that? Do you mean you don't want Tony anymore?"

"You know, I thought we're meant to be, seeing as I got the Anthony and Cleopatrix daydream again. I read that column when this guy called 'Anthony' said how much he liked me. I really thought he's Tony! Until I saw how infatuated he was with Summer. I mean, we're pretty in different ways: Summer in the girl-next-door, me in the Reese Witherspoon kind of way. And even thought Tony's cute, so what? He's not understanding and kind and brave, like you, Sir Jerry," Cleopatrix said. I blushed.

We had got there already, and so I pulled her up to the dance floor. We had a fab time. Everyone had partners: Tony and Summer, Cleopatrix and I, Glen and Sierra, Zach and Jamie, York and Wilma, Hugh and Alva, and even Cara and Paul! It's true. Apparently, Cara chased after Paul for a fight for calling her a cow, but they made up in the bushes in the end.

"And now, time for our annual status of Prom King and Queen…" Dr. Lucretia announced loudly. She had made an effort by donning a hot pink vintage Bob Mackie couture gown (Cleopatrix told me the name), and manage to get the attention of Mr. Hedmast. "Our results have gotten a draw, but never mind. So let's welcome King Anthony and Queen Cleopatrix! I'm so honoured that Ms. Laville even came here! And King Jerry and Queen Summer!"

All around me, people burst into applause. I handed Cleopatrix to Tony. "Enjoy your dance with Anthony, Queen Cleo," I whispered.

"You too, with Mary-Jane, Peter," she teased. And then we danced with our switched partners. I had always fantasized about the Winter Prom, where Summer would be single, and I had summoned up the guts to ask her out, and she accepted and we're voted Prom King and Queen. I thought it'd feel electric. Frisson. Instead, I only felt sweet brotherly affection vibes from her.

"I wish you a happy ending with Cleopatrix, Jer. You've been a great mate and brother this year. I promise I'll take care of Tony for you," Summer whispered. I grinned. Tony seemed to be whispering the same thing to Cleopatrix. She turned around, saw me, and winked.

Tonight was the greatest night of my life. Now that I had my happy ending, I could put more time in helping make this world a better place. With Cleopatrix, I'll be the best diplomat in the world. If I can manage to change Layton High, a dystopian miserable jail, into a utopian paradise, then I can do anything. Especially if you have a supporting and rich girlfriend like Cleopatrix Laville, and great mates like Tony, York, Zach, Hugh and Summer. No wonder I'm Ask Andy.

Any problems? Just ask Andy.

**Layton News**

**Cleopatrix Laville's New Movie**

**WB Producers have made a film about Cleo's short stay in Layton High School, how she met her true love and solved all their problems. Starring Cleopatrix as herself, Tobey Maguire as Jerry Grey, Orlando Bloom as Tony, Kirsten Dunst as Summer.**

**Jerry Grey takes over!**

**Jerry Grey was elected to be the United Nations new Teengae Ambassador. He will be speaking about how to solve problems, big or small, and the art of diplomatic. Guest speakers include late Teen Ambassador Samantha Madison (girl who saved president), Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo of Genovia, and Jessica Mastriani (lightning girl).**


End file.
